A new author's guide to public relations

Here's the thing about the book business—it's not all about the books. I wish it were, but sadly, a big part of it has to be about the business.

Walking into a bookstore is like wading into an ocean of words. It's easy for a new author to drown there. Publishing like a reality show in that respect—you only get on a life raft (also known as the front tables) if you get enough votes (also known as sales).

So, what's an author to do? Seriously—I'm asking.

I've compiled a list of things I've seen / heard of / and hope to try myself (if they don't land me in jail, that is—see #6)

1. National magazines

I have a great in-house publicist and an independent publicist who are pitching the "long-lead" magazines like Cosmo and InTouch so that Cheating at Solitaire can be one of the two or three books they review in December out of the hundreds (if not thousands) that are released that month. The odds, needless to say, are not good, but we're trying!

2. Regional or special interest media

Smaller, regional publications have much lower circulation but are far more likely to take pity on a local girl and give her a big color picture and nice review, but even these may not have space or interest in me.

3. On-air media

I may try to do radio. I have no interest in TV (mainly because I've been writing constantly for six months and really don't need the fifteen pounds the camera adds to go with the extra fifteen I've already got.) Plus, let's face it, I'm not exactly waiting on a call from Oprah.

4. Book tours and store events

Book tours or signings sound like fun until I hear horror stories about writers sitting in a store for three hours telling people where the bathroom is. I'm not out-going enough to wander the store and hand-sell. It simply won't happen. So, in my case, for this book, I think I'll use that time to write more books. There are exceptions to this, though, so to each her own...

5. Drive-by signings

Author friends explain this as just popping into a store, introducing yourself, and asking to autograph any copies they have in stock. People love signed stuff. Autographed books almost always sell and chances are the store will move them to a better location once they've been "value added" with a signature. This, I can totally do.

6. Stalk booksellers

Oh yeah, you read that right. I am now professionally introducing myself to every bookseller I can—even at Wal-Mart, where an independent contractor handles all book-related activity. I've done my homework and know when the contractor's rep is at my local store. So, picture me in a trench coat and shades following this poor woman from the book section, down the laundry detergent aisle, and catching up with her somewhere around ladies' cosmetics. (Not that it's happened yet—but it will.)

7. Abandon all pride

(see number 6)

8. Create an amazing website

I love my website (which isn't bragging because I didn't build it—that honor goes to Heidi-the-magnificent at xuni.com.) I check dozens of times a day, though, to see how many hits I've had and then I play the inevitable "someone in Florida just Googled me—who could that be?" game, because my mother doesn't live in Florida and I'm convinced most days that she's the only one who comes here (hi Mom!).

Which leads me to the final (and perhaps most significant) means of new author promotion:

9. Word of mouth

I have had dozens of hits from St. Louis, which is nice (hi St. Louis!), except that it's strange because I only know one person who lives there. But—here's the kicker—that person is my friend Laurie.

Laurie never met a stranger. Laurie knows no fear. Laurie was born to network, and right now she's networking her hiney off on my behalf (hi Laurie!)

If I had to choose between having two lines in Cosmo or having a friend like Laurie, I'd take Laurie any day, because Laurie will personally drag people to bookstores and stand there until they actually buy my book—unlike the editors of Cosmo, who, I'm betting, have better things to do. She will do this with everyone she knows, which is probably half of Missouri.

Now, if I could have both Laurie and a spread in Cosmo—sure, that would be awesome. But if I had to choose, I'd probably stick with the girl who'd always go with me to Eskimo Joes to eat cheesefries at 3:00 in the afternoon. Then, even if the book tanks, I've still got my friend.

(Unless, of course, you're a reviewer for Cosmo in which case I'd pick you any day because you rock, and I look forward to someday buying you cheesefries.)