Most wonderful night of the year

OSCARS, baby! I love the Academy Awards. Love, love, love, love, love them. Always have. So imagine my woe when I realized that I had a big deadline the day after the Academy Awards, and of course I'd be crossing T's and dotting I's into the wee hours of the morning. I was heartbroken.

Well, may I introduce you to the wonder of TiVo? That's right, once you've TiVoed Oscar, you'll never go back again.

…don't care about what the third assistant photographer on a movie you've never seen has to say about his dead grandmother--don't watch it.

…so you aren't really interested in watching fifteen montages in one night--skip through them.

…nursing a serious George Clooney addiction? Then pause, rewind, and enjoy my friend. Pause, rewind, and enjoy.

Overall, I have learned a lot about awards shows through the years. First, fashion should be judged on a curve. After all, Charlize Theron could and should be held to a higher standard than Kathy Bates. Simply put, if you'd look great in a feedsack, then you owe it to chubby women everywhere not to wear a prom dress from 1984 to the Oscars.

Rachel Weisz, however, is pregnant and she managed to look good. What do have to say for yourself now, Charlize?

People—especially men—who try to wear ensembles which will be talked about should not be talked about (and yes, I’m talking to you, freaky matching bowtie guys!)

Reese was elegant. Felicity was a disappointment. And George Clooney is the single-most charismatic human being on the planet.

Oh, and in the immortal words of Jon Stewart, “I didn’t know we could wear jeans to this.” (Really, Larry McMurtry, you should be ashamed. Cowboys can wear tuxes—I know--I’ve seen my father in one!)

Best bit of the night: (tie) between the makeup guys and Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin being Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin.

Worst bit of the night: Tom Hanks getting “played off” by the orchestra.

Best line of the night: (tie) “It just got a little easier in here for a pimp” and “Amazingly, none of those things were ever problems again” (in reference to the montage of politically-charged films of the past.)

Reasons I’m happy Crash won: A) it’s a great movie. B) being in the Best Picture puts you in less of a shadow if your wife just won Best Actress. (Please don’t get insecure, Ryan. Please! We love you, too!)

Person I want to add to my “Celebrities I could be friends with if only they knew me” list: Queen Latifah.

Oh, and Keira Knightly deserves something for looking so great and sitting next to Jack Nicholson all night (I just pray he didn’t get frisky during the people who died this year montage.)

You know you turn in to the red carpet coverage early if you see Joan Rivers interviewing the accountants from Ernst and Young. Are you kidding? Even the accountants do the red carpet. I LOVE THE OSCARS! Do you think there’s a lot of political maneuvering that goes into which accountants get the Oscar gig? I bet there is. And I bet those guys can play dirty when there’s free tuxes and bling on the line.

But not only did Joan talk to the accountants, but also the WRITERS! Score. I now have new motivation! Must. Get. On. Treadmill.

I love the Oscars. Where else are you going to see Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves reunited again?

I LOVE THE OSCARS!

Thanks goodness I’ve got it on Tivo. After all, it’s a long, long time ‘til the Emmys.

--Ally