TNSS--a literary epidemic

NATIONAL LITERARY HEALTH ALLIANCE ISSUES STATEMENT WARNING READERS AND WRITERS AGAINST PERILS OF TNSS.

(Okay, so there isn't a National Literary Health Alliance--but wouldn't it be cool if there were?)

I know I’m not the world’s greatest writer—obviously. But I am a writer who is constantly trying to learn and improve and master my craft, which is why I feel compelled to write about the epidemic that is sweeping the literary world—TNSS.

TNSS, also known as Tell Not Show Syndrome, is evidently reaching a critical mass. I have started three books this week (two by NYT Bestselling authors and one by a new author who is getting all the promotional perks that make other new authors hate her), and they all are told and not shown, prompting me to issue the following statement.

****

ALERT: due to an overwhelming (or…well…three) number of TNSS-infected books, readers and writers should be aware of the dangers of this increasingly-common and often contagious literary syndrome.

Symptoms:

Readers and writers should be on the lookout for the following:

The word “was.” Yes, it’s true. This simple three-letter word is one of the key indicators of TNSS. Since its use can sometimes be benign, “was” and any of its other forms should be used with caution and certainly never to say, “I was tired,” “I was hungry,” or “I was being chased through the snow by a man with a gun.” (Seriously, if you can’t “show” that last one—you don’t deserve your place on the Times list.)

Introductory pages with no or very little dialogue. In cases where readers find out everything there is to know about the main character before the main character actually does or says anything, TNSS is almost certainly present! Proceed with caution.

If no one can enter a scene without at least two pieces of information being tacked on behind their names, (Example: “In walked Kate Worthington, a former model who had married well and divorced better and who wanted my job despite the fact that everyone in my hometown thought I’d be better off marrying Dirk Dexter, my high school boyfriend whose belly hadn’t quite caught up to his beer habit.”) then TNSS is in an advanced stage. Professional help may be needed.

Treatment:

If discovered early on, TNSS can be treated by careful editing and massive doses of red ink.

However, sometimes TNSS is not diagnosed until the book is in print, in which cases it will only be enjoyed by readers who have a high TNSS tolerance.

Readers may not be aware that TNSS is present. They may only notice that the book reads sluggishly or that they can put it down and not rush back to it for long periods of time.

Writers should be very careful when reading books which are TNSS-carriers. It is catching because writing a book that tells, not shows, is easier—so much easier—so you may be tempted to do that yourself.

If you feel yourself coming down with TNSS, contact your editor, agent, or critique group immediately.

Prevention:

TNSS is a major problem, but it is manageable. One of the best ways to protect yourself against TNSS is to read books that are certified TNSS-Free.

Examples include anything by Alison Pace, Dennis Lehane, and Jill A. Davis. This, more than anything else, will build up your immunity.

TNSS is a terrible epidemic, but it is manageable and preventable. Your literary health is in your own hands.

--Ally

PS…oh and I’m not going to name the three offenders because A) I’m not stupid and B) I’m not tacky. But I bet some of you have read at least one of them—and maybe you liked it—but I won’t be reading any more, lest I get catch TNSS. I hear it’s terribly contagious.