Things I'll buy...

Did you know that only 2% of published writers can afford to write full-time with no other income? (Note: I have no idea where I heard this statistic, but it sounds true--right?)

In any case, writers don't make a lot of money. That's okay. For the most part we don't need a lot of money.

But every week or so someone will remind me that JK Rowling has more money than the Queen of England.

Well, I'm not JK Rowling. But sometimes it's fun to pretend.

THINGS I WILL BUY IF I EVER HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS JK ROWLING (or the Queen of England--I'm not greedy):

--a private jet—because they seem to come in really handy on Days of Our Lives.

--a personal assistant. I know a lot of big, bestselling writers have these, and I certainly would.

--a double oven. It’s true. I’m a Food Channel wannabe, and I’ve always wanted a double wall oven. Ah…to be able to bake six dozen cookies at one time…

--the perfect pair of black pants. Cost be damned! I’d spare no expense in finding them, and when I did, I’d buy at least twenty pairs.

--ditto the above for the perfect Capri pants

--a farm

--high speed wireless internet instead of the cheapo dial-up I currently use

--an armed guard who would physically pull me away the internet when I have a deadline

--I’d splurge on the 3-at-a-time Netflix plan instead of the 1-at-a-time plan I’m currently on.

--a collection of very high-end wigs (like Dolly Pardon and Sydney Bristow) so that I would never again have to fix my hair

--a powerhouse publicist who would get my books in People and TeenPeople even though I’m not a Harvard Sophomore and, you know, I wrote them myself.

--one of the really expensive VIP boxes at Oklahoma State University that overlooks both the football field and the basketball court so that I can take all my friends and family to games and, while there, my mother can feed us all awesome tailgate food.

--Oh, and season tickets for OSU football and basketball

--Maybe a new car, but honestly, mine still runs great so I’m not in a big hurry.

Wow. It’s a good thing writers don’t make as much money as people think, because I really don’t need a lot of that stuff. Seriously. Five pairs of the perfect black pants would probably be perfectly sufficient.

But I really wouldn't mind having that armed internet guard.

-Ally