Thanks for the laughs

I’m working on some longer, more in-dept posts for later this week, but in the meantime I just had to write and honor Don Knotts, the man who brought us perhaps the greatest television character of all time. Funny is hard, people. Really, really hard—as any actor or writer will tell you, and this man made it look easy.

I know some people may think Barney Fife is synonymous with slapstick or low-brow humor but they need to go back and watch some old Andy Griffith Show re-runs. That show gets sweeter, more profound, and funnier all the time if you ask me. We need more shows like that and not less.

That's all...I'm feeling sappy.
-Ally

PS...how great would it be if everyone who owns a gun got one bullet and they had to keep it buttoned up in their shirt pocket?

Random Googles of the Week

One of the best things about having a website is checking to see how many hits you’re getting. After all, I can’t very well camp out at my local Barnes & Noble and count how many people look at my book (well, I could, but I promised I’d stop so B&N would drop the charges against me.)

I can, however, see how many people are coming to my online home. And even better, I can see how they got here.

Some of you reach this site by typing in allycarter.com. Some come through links. A good many of you reach this destination by way of Google or some other online search engine. But judging by the phrases which some of you have Googled in order to find me, I have to think that this site is a serious disappointment.

For example, if you are the person who Googled “Skin Tight Olympic Outfits” and ended up here, I am so sorry. I have neither pictures nor explanations. This must be a waste of your time.

For the person Googling “Coed Olympics”: if you find an answer, please let me know. Also, if you’re wanting to try out for the hot chocolate team, check back soon for details.

Quite a few people are interested in “Katie Couric’s legs.” Again, I don’t have info or pictures, but I can say, way to go, Katie!

If you are the person who asked “Why Does NBC Show So Much Curling?” I think the answer is obvious: because it’s awesome.

And if you know the guy who asked Google about “Do It Yourself Residential Elevators,” yeah, I’d take the stairs.

For the great many of you who find me by searching for the phrase “How to Cheat” I really, really hope you’re talking about Solitaire.

No matter how you got here, though, I hope you’ll come back soon.

--Ally

Fan Mail

I got fan mail the other day--which in itself is awesome. But I didn't know it was fan mail, because the message was from Carly Phillips, and I thought, "well, I must have signed up for Carly Phillips's newsletter" because she IS a big, bestselling author, and I DO make it a point of stalking such people.

But then I opened the message...

And it wasn't a newsletter...

It was FAN MAIL!!!

Yeah, that's right. New York Times Bestsellers are randomly reading my book....and LIKING it.

I need to go lie down.

--Ally

The Olympics, part III

Curling. I admit it. I’m now addicted to curling. After learning that the Olympic event had nothing to do with hair (which is really quite a shame) and was really more like bowling on ice, well, then I had to check it out. Well, I can sum it up with one word: addictive. It starts by being so confusing you have to spend an hour trying to figure out what’s going on, and by the time you start to get a clue, it’s sucked you in to its icy drama. Tricky, tricky sport, that curling.

In other news, my boy Bode Miller is now 0-4 in Olympic competition. Some people are calling him a big phony, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he’s a hot phony at the very least.

Quick question: are ice dancing and pairs figure skating the only co-ed Olympic events? See, if it were up to me, the hot chocolate and fire building relays would totally be co-ed.

Despite Bode’s lack of medals and Michelle’s trip home, there is one big winner of these Olympic games: that new NBC show Conviction about the young New York prosecutors. I’ve seen it advertised no fewer than fifty times. I think the Olympic Flame to Conviction commercial ratio is about 1:1. And that’s as good as gold.

--Ally

Olympics, part II

The Olympics, part II

Up until a few minutes ago, I thought I'd found an answer to my Olympic dilemma: Snowboard Cross.

Not only do the athletes in this event wear the bulky outfits, but also, they go as a big group so they don't flash anyone’s weight up on the screen! Oh my gosh, I thought! Vancouver here I come.

But then the women's final went ugly and one of the girls had to be dragged away in that little orange sled thing. Little orange sleds...not so much for me.

Curling is obviously a valid choice. After all, I have a lot of curling experience—with both irons and hot rollers. In fact, my hair is even a little bit naturally curly, which has got to give me an advantage. I even have experience with curling’s sub-events—back-combing and Aqua-Netting, so this is probably my best shot at a medal.

Aside from Curling, the event where I have the most experience is probably either Luge or the Skeleton (you know, those ones where people go down the big ice slide) since one time when I was growing up we had an unusually big snowfall, and all of my family decided to go sledding, except…well…we didn’t have any sleds. Also, we didn’t have any hills. What we did have was a half-constructed turnpike overpass and cookie sheets.

If it weren’t for the little skin-tight outfits, I would be all over this Luge thing! After all, once you’ve gone head-first down a turnpike overpass on a cookie sheet, pretty much anything is possible.

--Ally

The Olympics

So I’m thinking about becoming an Olympian, but since Michelle Kwan is over-the-hill in her mid-twenties, I’m going to have to alter Plan A just slightly and look for a non-figure skating event. Being a girl from Oklahoma, I don’t have a lot of ice and snow experience, but that’s okay. This way, I figure, I’ll be able to keep an open mind.

But I won’t do anything where you have to go really, really high in the air like ski jumping, or really, really fast like downhill skiing (although hanging out with Bode Miller might make this one worth trying.)

After watching The Flying Tomato take home gold Sunday night, I thought I might try my hand at snowboarding. People could call me The Stationary Cabbage. Plus, snowboarders wear those big bulky outfits (much better than the skin-tight ensembles so prevalent in the speed events.)

According to the commentators, the really good snowboarders “throw it down”. Now, I’m not sure what “it” is, but I can throw pretty well—especially down—since then gravity does most of the work. But then I realized that I have no idea what an inverted front-side 540 is except that it sounds painful.

That’s when I turned my attention to the moguls because mogulists too are bulkily attired, but then I noticed that before the athletes go they flash up a box with their name, their country, and…their weight! So long golden dreams.

Now, where is the Olympic hot chocolate drinking competition? I could totally medal in that! I could be the first to attempt the triple marshmallow in competition. How about Olympic fire lounging? I have several friends who would do a relay with me on that one.

Maybe if I start petitioning the International Olympic Committee now, one of these very worthy winter activities will make it to Vancouver in 2010. Just in case, I’d better keep training, but don’t worry, I’ll work my way up to the triple marshmallow.