Reasons I am freaking out

Every now and then I freak out—not like “requires the attention of a mental health professional” freak out. More like “has a panic attack at Wal-Mart because the stress of picking out pantyhose is too much” freak out.

I can feel one coming on, and here are the reasons why:

1. There is a huge storm brewing and every time the wind blows my office shakes like some of the scarier moments of Wizard of Oz, and I’m reminded of how people in trailer parks always tell TV reporters that the tornado sounded like a train.

2. My office is right next to the train tracks.

3. Cheating at Solitaire has been out for five months and Oprah still hasn’t called!

4. Is anyone else getting concerned about this bird flu business? Does anyone else think it would be even scarier if it were called something other than bird flu?

5. I’D TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THEN I’D HAVE TO KILL YOU will officially be out May 2, but copies will probably start popping up before then. One month until people are reading (and potentially hating) it. Okay…deep breaths.

6. I have it on good authority that Hyperion took 200 copies of the I’D TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THEN I’D HAVE TO KILL YOU advance reader copies to the PLA Convention in Boston last week, so there are already 200 librarians who could be reading (and potentially hating) it!

7. I’m very, very concerned that Aaron Echols is going to somehow get out of prison and hunt down Veronica Mars.

8. I’m equally concerned that the boys on Prison Break won’t get out of prison.

9. The weather is getting warmer, so any day now I’m going to have to endure the dreaded “will the clothes I haven’t worn in six months still fit” experiment.

10. One word: DEADLINES!

Am I alone? Does anyone else find these things incredibly disturbing?

-Ally

YOU MIGHT BE A FARM GIRL IF…

Disclaimer: I am a farm girl. We are a rare and unusual breed of women. If you suspect that you, too, might belong to this elite sisterhood, read on. Warning: not everyone will get it.

And I'm okay with that.

YOU MIGHT BE A FARM GIRL IF...

…you have a cup in your kitchen devoted entirely to bacon grease.

…you have ever moved furniture in a gooseneck trailer

…you know what an AGR is (and have dated one.)

…someone in your family was once maimed in a horrible pickle canning accident

…you’ve ever judged a man based on the shape of his hat

…as a child, you had twelve cats—only one of which you've ever actually touched

…you have ever parallel parked between two large bales of hay

…in college, people knew your dorm room as the place where they could always find duct tape

…your senior prom had to be rescheduled to avoid a conflict with the State FFA Convention

…you get giddy when the new Gurney’s Seed Catalog arrives

…you’ve ever worn Carharts to a football game

…you know what Carharts are

And the number one sign you might be a farm girl...

…most of the conversations you’ve ever had with your father ended with the phrase “BUT DON’T GET KICKED!”

Are you a farm girl? Please comment. I'd LOVE to hear YOUR stories!

Ally

Teensreadtoo.com

The cool folks over at teensreadtoo.com have posted an author profile and interview with me, which I know is everyone is going to want to read (and by everyone, I mean you, Mom), so I'm posting a link here.

have a great one,
Ally

A Movie-Lover's Guide to Writing Novels

I've been asked to speak at the Pikes Peak Writers Conference next month, and in addition to sitting on two sure-to-be-fun panels, I'm also doing a stand-alone workshop, "A Movie-Lover's Guide to Writing Novels."

I just finished the handout/presentation for the session, and is it wrong to say it rocks? Does that make me sound too full of myself to say that I wish someone had done a session like this for me six years ago? Am I wrong to proclaim that I will change lives? (okay, I might give you that last one.)

In any case, the handouts are done, and I think, super helpful. So I'm posting the highlights.

1. Novels and movies both tell stories--that's their function and why we lay down money and/or invest our time in them.

2. Point of view is the first story-telling decision the story-teller must make. Now, of course you have to decide on the story itself--but how to tell the story starts with POV. Get the wrong one and you'll fight an uphill battle from day one!

3. Voice is crucial. It can't be taught. Moving on...

4. Character--EVERYTHING ties to character. An old screenwriting test is to cover up all the character names and see if, from dialogue alone, you can tell who’s speaking. If not, your characters aren’t unique enough. Are there two characters you can combine? If so, why haven’t you? Make ‘em special—they’re your ambassadors.

5. Show don’t tell—oh boy, is this an oldie but a goodie. I first heard this term when playing around with screenplays, but novelists use it too. In fact, it’s probably easier for a screenwriter to see and fix this problem. With novels, everything is technically “told”. What the adage is getting at, however, is our tendency to do the audience’s work for them.

Don’t TELL the reader, “Gloria had a bad day thanks to a rumor started by her ex-best friend who had recently stolen Gloria’s husband.” Instead, SHOW Gloria kicking a potted plant or slamming a door. Movie makers know that audiences only know what they see with their eyes and hear with their ears. If more novelists would keep that in mind, I think we could finally put the “show don’t tell” problem to rest.

6. Stories are ultimately a string of scenes. George Lucas has said that a great film is simply sixty great two minute scenes. Jack Nicholson has said that he’ll do any movie where his character has three great scenes and no bad scenes.

So, what are your three great scenes? Does all of your story take place within the context of a scene? If not, you may need to revisit number five above.

7. Amazing stories always have both internal and external struggles. Take the movie Rocky for instance. Rocky wants to make something of himself. He wants to find love. He wants to prove that he matters. How does he do it? By fighting the heavyweight champion of the world. If you’re all internal it’s boring, and if you’re all external it’s shallow. Strive for both.

8. Plot points are the scenes or events that “hook” into a story and spin it in another direction. In a classic three act structure, the first major plot point would be the thing that kicks off the main conflict of the story. You’ll have a lot of smaller plot points along the way as your characters strive toward their goals, but there is usually one big plot point near the end that sets up your final act.

9. Goal—this is what the characters want—not the physical item they desire but the outcome. It’s what everyone is working toward.

10. The MacGuffin is Albert Hitchcock’s term for "the item of importance that everyone wants, upon which the plot turns." A great example is the microfilm in North By Northwest.

Now, nothing ever comes of the microfilm, but it keeps Cary Grant going all over the country—it gives everyone a reason to have the next scene. If your story is stalled, asked yourself “what’s my MacGuffin?”

11. Tasks are obviously the things that must be done in pursuit of your satisfying outcome (goal) to acquire your MacGuffin. Take Lord of the Rings for Example. The Ring is a textbook MacGuffin. The task is to destroy the ring by achieving a bunch of other tasks along the way. If your scenes don’t have tasks—well—why are you writing them?

12. Pacing. I’m a fan of red pens—huge fan! The biggest! It’s hard, hard, hard work, and I’m not surprised most people don’t do it, but in my opinion, a tighter book is always a better book.

13. Putting the button on the scene is a term I first heard in screenwriting circles. It’s that killer line of dialogue or laugh-out-loud gesture that caps a scene so perfectly you’re eager for the next one. It’s a sign the scene is finished.

If you want an excellent example of a book where all the scenes have buttons, read If Andy Warhol Had a Girlfriend by Alison Pace. This book kept me up all night reading it last year—after every scene, I’d say, “just one more chapter. Just one more chapter.” I fully believe the “buttons”, the finished, satisfied feeling each chapter left me with, is why.

Well, that’s not everything, but it’s a lot of it—more than I probably should post here. For the writers in the crowd, I hope you enjoyed it. For the non-writers, I hope you found it interesting, too.

Ally

Next blog: check back soon for “You Might Be a Farm Girl If…” especially if you’re—you know—a farm girl. Or would like to emulate us because we’re so freaking cool.

Happy Birthday Gallagher Academy

It's hard to believe, but exactly one year ago today--Wednesday, March 23, 2005--I got an email from my agent (Kristin) asking if I'd been kicking around any ideas for the YA genre.

Well, no, I hadn't been kicking around any ideas, but I totally wasn't going to tell my agent that, so I jotted down every wild idea that popped into my head for the next three or four hours.

Then Kristin wrote back with the message that would change my life..."Those aren't good enough."

So I went home, popped some popcorn and started thinking of more ideas. While I worked, I had the TV on in the background, with the sound on mute. Alias was on, and I glanced up to see a whole bunch of girls running through a series of dark hallways, and I thought to myself, hey, did she go to spy school?

Well, I turned the volume up to learn that, no, she didn't go to spy school, but then I thought SPY SCHOOL!!!!

Kristin loved the idea, and I started to work. In about a month, the three sample chapters and outline had landed me a two-book deal with Hyperion Books for Children. A few weeks after that, Disney came calling with their offer to option the movie rights.

It's been a year now, and I probably feel today like a lot of new mothers. I can't believe it's been so long. I can't believe it's real. And, most importantly, I can't believe that my little book has grown up so fast. She's going to be going off on her own, out into the big, bad world in a little more than a month.

No. This can't be possible.

I forbid it.

It's a good thing I have a little sister (aka sequel) still at home to keep me busy.

--Ally


next post: I know I promised a sneak peek at my Pikes Peak Writers Conference session, but this birthday blindsided me--next time, I promise!

Scenes from the couch

I’ve been sick for the last few days. Now, I vowed when I started this blog that it wouldn’t be one of those “I went to the grocery store today” blogs, but as I lay on my couch over the last 48 hours (note to self: ask Mom if it’s “lay” on the couch or “lie” on the couch—always confused on that one!).

Anyhow, as I sprawled on my couch over the course of the last two days, a number of thoughts ran through my feverish/slightly-dehydrated little mind:

#1. When Oprah puts women in a box and has people on the street guess how old they look—she’s not being nice to women. She’s doing stunts for ratings and I like her a little less. I’d like her more if she would stand in a box in sweats and without makeup and go through the same exercise.

#2. Jonathan from that reality show Blow Out has officially overtaken Donald Trump for the biggest ego on TV—no small feat.

#3. Telling yourself, “I’ll rest for thirty more minutes and then go write” doesn’t work well when you’re healthy. When you’re so weak it hurts to hold your eyes open, it works even less.

#4. Days of Our Lives only has five storylines and they’ve been using them for all the days of my life.

#5. After analyzing the contents of my Eddie Bauer, JJill, Talbots, and Lands End catalogs, full skirts are going to be in again this summer. SCORE!

#6. There is one corner of my living room that desperately needs some furniture.

#7. It’s been a really long time since I’ve dusted the baseboards in my house.

#8. The new Black Cherry Fresca simply isn’t as good on a queasy stomach as original Fresca.

#9. Dennis Quaid is always hot. Always. Doesn’t matter what movie he’s in, unlike Russell Crowe (what was Meg Ryan thinking?)

#10. Sick days are nearly as much fun when you no longer live with your parents and therefore have to heat up your own Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup.

So there. That's what the last two days have netted me. Do you think there's a new novel in there somewhere?

--Ally

The next blog: a sneak peek at my new seminar for the Pikes Peak Writers’ Conference: A Movie-Lover’s Guide to Writing Novels!

PRISON BREAK!

PRISON BREAK!

It’s back! It’s time. I may not be able to sleep tonight.

That’s right. After many, many months my boy Wentworth Miller and company are back tomorrow night.

How much do I love this show? Sooooo much!

Oh, I’m positively giddy!

Nipped and tucked

A really good friend of mine is having surgery today. Reconstructive surgery, she calls it. Normal people might call it plastic surgery or cosmetic surgery, but not Vanessa. No, after delivering two children and lactating for three years she’s going under the knife to have things put back in their original places.

Her tummy will be tucked. Her breasts will be lifted. She will be every-so slightly lipoed, and she has given me permission to blog about it. Is she the coolest or what?

I’m someone who talks about plastic surgery all the time—oh, I want a nose job (said approximately 30 times a year every year from ages 14 until 28.) Oh, I want a chemical peel (said once a month for the last three years). Oh, do you think I’m ready for Botox (said for the very first time two months ago.)

But instead of just talking about it, my friend is doing it. No matter your stance on cosmetic surgery, you gotta admire that.

This has been very exciting for me, if you can’t tell, especially when Vanessa called and said the surgeon wanted pictures of what she wants her breasts to look like when he’s done.

Breasts, she said, I want them to look like normal breasts.

Yeah, but what kind? He replied.

And that’s how my good friend Vanessa and I came to spend several hours with a Victoria’s Secrets catalog—boob shopping.

That’s right, folks. If you’re willing to pay for it and go to the trouble, you really can shop for anything!

--Ally

Twister!

It finally rained in Oklahoma.

Now, I know for a lot of you, that's not going to mean much. But to a farm girl, that means everything! It was dry. Dry. Dry. Dry. Again, probably not an issue for the world at large, but in Allyville, that's a big freaking deal.

So it rained over the weekend, and it had been so long since we'd had a good rain that Molly the wonder dog literally crawled into the dishwasher and my dad had to pull her out. I personally wasn't there to see it, but I've seen her hide under beds, tables, and (her favorite) my legs during storms, so it was just a matter of time, I guess, until she worked her way up to dishwasher.

The storms weren't all good, though. Sadly, as there often are in Oklahoma, there were tornadoes. Less than ten miles from my parents' house there were many many farms that were destroyed. Luckily, no one died.

Now, coming from OK, people always ask to hear my tornado stories, but this is the closest any have ever come.

The morale of the story: when building homes in Oklahoma, spring for a safe room. Oh, and if you see lighting on the horizon, close the dishwasher.


Ally

I've been tagged!

I never could run fast--ever! And now the horrors of the playgrounds of my youth have been revisited upon me. That's right. I've been tagged. Martha O'Connor got me good and now I have to answer the following questions and then pass along the task to two others.

Well, the lucky winners are...

Diana Peterfreund, author of the sure-to-be-fabulous Secret Society Girl
And also Jennifer O'Connell, author of my new to-be-read PLAN B.And now, for the main event! (Note: Diana and Jennifer are getting
off cheap! Originally it was 35 questions, but master deleter that I am,
I took the liberty of cutting this bad boy down to 21--hey what else do
you expect from a girl who literally broke the delete key during her last
round of rewrites?)

1-If you won a million dollars, how much of it would
you give to charity?

I’d probably spend whatever it took to renovate the
little country church  where I grew up.  It’s a tiny
place with great people and the church is about the
only social scene in town, but the “fellowship hall”
isn’t big enough for a whole lot of fellowship.


2- Describe what you looked like in the 5th grade.  

Sorry.  I have completely blocked out everything from
third grade through my junior year of college.  I have
also destroyed all photos.


3-Do you think you have a good singing voice?


Yes—except when people can hear me.  Then I get
all freaked out and end up sounding like the rejects
on American Idol.


4- Which would be harder to give up, TV or chocolate?

Both would be too devastating for words.  I probably
wouldn’t be able to go on.


5- A cat darts into the road and you hear a thud under
your tire, do you  stop?

Yes…no…yes…I’m not sure.  Maybe not if there were angry
bystanders.  Are there angry bystanders?


6- A friend has chronic bad breath, do you say something?
If so, what?

Yes. I’d brag on the little tiny Altoids that you can
carry in your pocket.


7- If you had to move to another country for a year,
which one would you choose and why? 
Either The Netherlands, Japan, Russia, Indonesia, or
Tailand because my books are being published there so
my stay would be tax-deductible.


8- What kind of food is your best friend?

No food is my friend.  I have the metabolism of concrete.


9- When is the last time you cried? 
Every night of the Olympics—I’m a sucker for the
emotional montages of people who overcame burdens to be
the best in the world at something.


10- What will the last line of your obituary say?  
Her books may be found at….


11- Which Brady would you date if you had to?  
I’d rather be single forever.


12- Name the movie you would star in if you could be
the lead in any film ever made. 
Audrey Hepburn’s character in Roman Holiday.  Mainly,
I just want to be Audrey Hepburn.

13-What is the worst thing a friend has ever done
to you?  
A person I worked with told lies about me that hurt
my career.  I still have no idea why.

14- What is the last good deed someone has done for
you?  
Two different libraries organized booksignings for me
when Cheating at Solitaire was released.  It was very,
very sweet of them.

15- What is your least favorite fashion trend? 
Girls being way too skinny  (this was Martha’s answer,
so I’m stealing it.)

16- Tell about a time when you laughed inappropriately.  
Once, at a funeral of a distant relative, I was sitting
beside my sister,  and somehow our purse straps got
tangled together.  So when the funeral ends, we have to
get up and view the body, but our purse straps are in a
big knot—and we’re trying to untangle them, and people
are crying, and finally we give up and go see old cousin
so-in-so one final time while my sister carries two
purses!  I laughed the whole way, but it was so funny,
yet soooo inappropriate.  She still hates me for it.

17- What makes you happy?  
Many, many things.  I take joy where I can find it.

18- If you could name only one song as the best song of
all times, which  would it be?  
The old church hymn Softly and Tenderly.

19- How old do you wish you were right now?  
I’m starting my new YA so it might be nice to be the
age of my main character, 15 going on 16.

20-Name three things you wouldn't do for money.  
Abuse a child, be forbidden from seeing my family,
turn my back on my faith.

21- Are 21 questions too many??? 
Yes!

To Be Reads

I made it into a Borders over the weekend (always dangerous), and I had my sister with me (even more dangerous), and I managed to come out with four more books for my “To Be Read” stack.

Now, this is not to be confused with my “To Be Written” stack which basically consists at the moment of Gallagher Girls 2. That’s not the official title, of course. The official title is super cool and TOP SECRET. That’s right. In keeping with the title of Gallagher Girls 1, I could tell you but then…you know…

So here are my new “To Be Read” books. Just in case you’re wondering.

Avalon High by Meg Cabot

Your Big Break by Johanna Edwards

How to Sleep With a Movie Star by Kristin Harmel

Plan B by Jenny O’Connell

In the meantime, I’m back to the “To Be Writtens”.

Make it work, Project Runway

Do I have a million deadlines? Yes. Does that mean I have the discipline not to watch the Project Runway season finale? Of course not.

Can I just say that Project Rnway is the one and only reality show I watch—seriously. It’s my one reality vice, but it’s a strong one.

And the strange thing is, I’m least-fashionable person I know. But I am a professional creator (is that like the guy from High Fidelity being a professional appreciator?), and the more I watch this show, the more I realize how similar fashion and publishing are. It’s about artists and business people and the development of something that is hopefully beautiful, and commercial, and hopefully something that will make people’s lives easier.

And if anyone is rolling your eyes at that last bit, you obviously have never experienced the terror of not having something to wear. Yes, I used the word terror which means I must need therapy (or liposuction.)

Anyhow, I love this show.

All along, I’ve been rooting for Chloe and Daniel and against Santino, but when the runway show was over I thought Santino had a lock on it simply because he’d finally done what they’d been telling him to do all season. But the judges? Oh no--now they don’t like it, and they want him to go back (a phenomenon that, as a writer, I know all too well!) And I honestly felt bad for the guy.

This leaves us with Daniel V. and Chloe—my favorites.

Daniel V. was sewing buttons on backstage. How much time did they have for this, months? I thought there were months. Plus, did his stuff seem kinda blah to anyone else?

And was Chloe getting ready for the prom on Dynasty? Sleeves! I wanted to yell, the sleeves are attacking!

I liked their stuff that they did in a few hours during the season way more than these things that took months.

Guess that’s why I’m sitting around in my yoga pants and they’re getting one hundred grand from Banana Republic and job offers from Michael Kors.

Probably my favorite “collection” was the one they didn’t show last night—Kara’s. That’s right, they had to do four runway shows so that people at the show wouldn’t know who the final three were. They did this with Austin last year, too (and his was my favorite then as well.) Anyway, click on over here to see the show they don’t want you to see (except they put it on their website!)

Now, back to work. Seriously. I swear. Oh dang, does the Big XII basketball tournament start tonight? I can write and cheer, right? Write and cheer.

Go Pokes!

Ally

The Year That Changed My Life (Except it didn't)

A few weeks ago the great folks at Beatrice.com asked me to contribute an essay, so I wrote "The Year That Changed My Life (Except it didn't).

Check it out!

--Ally

Most wonderful night of the year

OSCARS, baby! I love the Academy Awards. Love, love, love, love, love them. Always have. So imagine my woe when I realized that I had a big deadline the day after the Academy Awards, and of course I'd be crossing T's and dotting I's into the wee hours of the morning. I was heartbroken.

Well, may I introduce you to the wonder of TiVo? That's right, once you've TiVoed Oscar, you'll never go back again.

…don't care about what the third assistant photographer on a movie you've never seen has to say about his dead grandmother--don't watch it.

…so you aren't really interested in watching fifteen montages in one night--skip through them.

…nursing a serious George Clooney addiction? Then pause, rewind, and enjoy my friend. Pause, rewind, and enjoy.

Overall, I have learned a lot about awards shows through the years. First, fashion should be judged on a curve. After all, Charlize Theron could and should be held to a higher standard than Kathy Bates. Simply put, if you'd look great in a feedsack, then you owe it to chubby women everywhere not to wear a prom dress from 1984 to the Oscars.

Rachel Weisz, however, is pregnant and she managed to look good. What do have to say for yourself now, Charlize?

People—especially men—who try to wear ensembles which will be talked about should not be talked about (and yes, I’m talking to you, freaky matching bowtie guys!)

Reese was elegant. Felicity was a disappointment. And George Clooney is the single-most charismatic human being on the planet.

Oh, and in the immortal words of Jon Stewart, “I didn’t know we could wear jeans to this.” (Really, Larry McMurtry, you should be ashamed. Cowboys can wear tuxes—I know--I’ve seen my father in one!)

Best bit of the night: (tie) between the makeup guys and Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin being Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin.

Worst bit of the night: Tom Hanks getting “played off” by the orchestra.

Best line of the night: (tie) “It just got a little easier in here for a pimp” and “Amazingly, none of those things were ever problems again” (in reference to the montage of politically-charged films of the past.)

Reasons I’m happy Crash won: A) it’s a great movie. B) being in the Best Picture puts you in less of a shadow if your wife just won Best Actress. (Please don’t get insecure, Ryan. Please! We love you, too!)

Person I want to add to my “Celebrities I could be friends with if only they knew me” list: Queen Latifah.

Oh, and Keira Knightly deserves something for looking so great and sitting next to Jack Nicholson all night (I just pray he didn’t get frisky during the people who died this year montage.)

You know you turn in to the red carpet coverage early if you see Joan Rivers interviewing the accountants from Ernst and Young. Are you kidding? Even the accountants do the red carpet. I LOVE THE OSCARS! Do you think there’s a lot of political maneuvering that goes into which accountants get the Oscar gig? I bet there is. And I bet those guys can play dirty when there’s free tuxes and bling on the line.

But not only did Joan talk to the accountants, but also the WRITERS! Score. I now have new motivation! Must. Get. On. Treadmill.

I love the Oscars. Where else are you going to see Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves reunited again?

I LOVE THE OSCARS!

Thanks goodness I’ve got it on Tivo. After all, it’s a long, long time ‘til the Emmys.

--Ally

Ally's Oscar Predictions

You know I’ve had a crazy, crazy year with tons of very tight deadlines, so I’ve only seen a couple of the Oscar-nominated films and I can’t really predict who could or should take home the statues Sunday night. So, in that case, I'll just confine my predictions to the really important stuff:

I predict Jon Stewart will be so incredibly good that people will be saying “who’s Billy Crystal?” by the end of the night.

I predict there will soon be enormous demand for a Felicity Huffman Upper Arm Workout exercise video (which I will waste no time in ordering.)

I predict Rachel Weisz will go into labor during the “these people died this year” tribute montage (I know this is a long shot, but how many points would it be worth if I was right?!?!)

I predict Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon will be the absolute cutest couple ever.

I predict Heath Ledger will wear a very questionable tuxedo.

I predict Crash will win for best Original Screenplay and Brokeback Mountain will win for Screenplay Adaptation.

I predict George Clooney will win for something and half the women in the audience will pass out from his overall hotness.

I predict Keira Knightley will weigh less than an actual Oscar.

I predict red will be the new black and black will be the new blue and blue will the new red and everyone who’s anyone will be going strapless.

I predict Melissa Rivers’s lips will be on the verge of exploding all over the red carpet.

I predict that by the end of the night people still won’t know who David Strathairn is even though he’s been in half the movies I’ve seen in the last ten years.

I predict that even though Keanu Reeves is technically presenting an award at the Oscars everything he says will sound like “Ma’am, can you drive this bus?”

Any takers on any of these? Also, please feel free to comment with your own predictions.

--Ally